What’s getting in the way?
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the process of letting go and what it has to do with self-trust.
When I work with people to help them identify the ways that they can grow, speak up, and be confident, I notice that they’re often holding onto something that’s keeping them back.
In my book, Into the Wolf: How to Speak up and be Heard, I illustrate seven different examples of clients who want to speak up, but who struggle to trust themselves.
Why do we struggle to do this?
It’s often our beliefs that get in the way. The systems of assumptions and ideas of how we need to be in the world that keep us from being all that we can be.
What’s the most toxic belief that I see?
That we are not enough.
The paradox of trying.
When people feel that they are not enough, they will often try harder to prove themselves.
This method is helpful when we are preparing for an exam, writing a paper for school, or working on a report.
The effort we put into the work itself can lead to better results.
Trying is not inherently unhelpful, unless it’s being applied to “letting go.”
Try this thought experiment. Imagine that you are holding onto a rope, which is tied to a car. When the car begins to drive away, what do you do?
Hopefully, you let go.
The irony in life is that whenever we are holding onto a belief system that will inevitably get us dragged (think: perfectionism), rather than let go, we grip tighter.
Why is that?
I believe that it’s so difficult to let go of something that you can’t even see. If we use the rope analogy again, it’s as though we believe the rope is what’s holding us together.
It’s difficult to let go of perfectionism if we feel that perfectionism is what’s holding us together.
Freedom of self-acceptance.
What if you were able to see yourself separate from the belief system? What if you were willing to believe that you didn’t need to prove yourself?
How might that free you up to let go?
In one of my stories, Bianca, a Phd Scientist who is struggling to sound confident and clear when presenting her slides for an FDA approval hearing, believes that she should be better at answering questions than she is.
This belief system keeps her from being more present in her body, trusting her own knowledge and intellect, and listening to the questions that are asked.
Whenever we think we should be somewhere other than where we are, we make it impossible to be in our power.
When you accept yourself for being exactly who you are right at this moment, you have the chance to let go of the beliefs that you should be different.
We are less likely to be dragged around by situations and other people when we can accept ourselves more fully, see ourselves as enough, and trust our intuition.
Find your own voice.
Learn to trust yourself.
Be the leader you were always meant to be.
Learn how to let go and become your best self.