The limitations of thinking. One of the challenges in communication is in cutting through our assumptions.Every relationship that goes beyond a simple transaction is fraught with potential challenges, confusion, and hurt feelings.Our thoughts are a big reason why this is so true. When … [Read more...] about Surface Your Assumptions
Intent vs. Impact Whenever I enter into a situation where there is confusion and conflict within a team, I look for the gap between the intentions and the impacts of what people say.What does that mean?Most people who are working on a project have to work collaboratively with a team of … [Read more...] about What do you mean?
Anything but that. Have you ever noticed a temptation to signal helplessness?I once was in a particularly difficult spin class where the instructor kept shouting to us to increase the resistance on our bikes.About halfway through the class, I was feeling like I had made a terrible mistake. … [Read more...] about Our techniques to avoid failure.
Perceptions. Why are collaboration and cooperation sometimes so difficult?What are the reasons why we struggle so much with calling each other out when we don't like what's happening?So much of this has to do with the ways that we interpret our own behaviors versus how we interpret other … [Read more...] about Situation vs. Character
Feelings. What is your relationship to emotions?Are you able to be aware of what you're feeling as you read this? If so, then congratulations.You're fairly unusual.Tasha Eurich, the author of Insight, says, “Our data reveals that 95 percent of people believe they are self-aware, but the … [Read more...] about Dealing with the fear
Just this. Here is one of my favorite W.S. Merwin poems, in which he encourages all of us to pay more attention. Just this. Just this, this room where we are. Pay attention to that. Pay attention to who's there. Pay attention to what is known there. Pay attention to what … [Read more...] about Pay attention
What kind of friend are you? It’s taken me a long time in life to realize that there are different kinds of friends in this world. Some are the kind who are good listeners, others are the kind who you go to for a good laugh.There are the kind who are always up to do things, and then there are … [Read more...] about Making friends with yourself
The bully. Do you ever notice the way we sometimes talk to ourselves?For instance, "I have to stop saying sorry."or"I should eat better."There's a lot of intensity behind these sentences.I've talked in the past about perfectionism and how it can make us brittle, and I recognize … [Read more...] about Stop bullying yourself
What if you trusted your own voice? There are so many helpful tips out there regarding how to speak with clarity and poise, but what about how to speak as yourself?Do you want to have more confidence when you speak?Do you wish that you could have more influence when you speak?And do you … [Read more...] about Your unique voice
The power of language. Have you ever said or written something that you felt was clear, only to find that it was misunderstood?Perhaps you've written an email that you felt was clearly stating your position, only to find that the meaning hadn't been clear?If so, then you're not … [Read more...] about What weakens our words?
The nature of communication There's a phenomenon in communication that's quite common, but that doesn't get as much attention as it deserves.That's the phenomenon of a feedback loop in communication.I think of this as an important tool in our society as human beings. It allows us to orient, … [Read more...] about Feedback Loops